The Paradoxical God

I was reading Psalm 39 a few days ago and I’ve been chewing over it still.  Here is the psalm:

Psalm 39

What Is the Measure of My Days?

To the choirmaster: to Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

¹I said, “I will guard my ways,
that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth with a muzzle,
so long as the wicked are in my presence.”
²I was mute and silent;
I held my peace to no avail,
and my distress grew worse.
³My heart became hot within me.
As I mused, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

⁴“O LORD, make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!
⁵Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,
and my lifetime is as nothing before you.
Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!
Selah

⁶Surely a man goes about as a shadow!
Surely for nothing they are in turmoil;
man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!

⁷“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
⁸Deliver me from all my transgressions.
Do not make me the scorn of the fool!
⁹ I am mute; I do not open my mouth,
for it is you who have done it.
¹⁰ Remove your stroke from me;
I am spent by the hostility of your hand.
¹¹When you discipline a man
with rebukes for sin,
you consume like a moth what is dear to him;
surely all mankind is a mere breath!
Selah

¹² “Hear my prayer, O LORD,
and give ear to my cry;
hold not your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with you,
a guest, like all my fathers.
¹³ Look away from me, that I may smile again,
before I depart and am no more!”

It sounds like King David is in a really bad diplomatic situation – that somehow his enemies are making him talk, and as much as he refuses, it is costing him to do so.  But I think the more interesting thing is the way he thinks about God, and consequently his attitude towards his situation.

David begs God to remind him of his nothingness, of the fleeting-ness of his life and, more importantly, that God himself has made it so (vv. 4-6).  I think that would be a pretty strange thing to ask God to do at a time like his!  I know that if it were me, I’d probably be asking God to help prolong the little of life that I have left and to remind me that he cares for me and I am loved!  But what David asks God to do makes a lot of sense when you read what he is convicted by in the next verse: “And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in you.” (v. 7)  David doesn’t really care whether his life is prolonged or not, whether his enemies abuse him further or let him go, because his hope is not in that.  His hope is in the one who makes us, determines the length of our days and who is the ultimate and only Judge that we should fear.  But at the same time, as Judge, he is therefore the only one who we can find hope and grace and mercy in!  And I think that’s why David prays to God to “deliver [him] from all [his] transgressions” (v.8) and “remove [God’s] stroke from [him]’ (v. 10a).  But he also knows that when God disciplines us, as a loving Father would his son, he will “consume like a moth what is dear to him [us]” (v. 11).

I think there’s great comfort in this song/poem that David writes.  There’s the wonderful truth that God is a God who does forgive us our transgressions when we ask that of him, and also, paradoxically, that he is Judge and the only one we should fear.  But at the same time, I was challenged to remember that when we do ask forgiveness, there is an implied and ready willingness to be ready for God to transform us, through discipline, which might mean a taking-away of what is dear to us.  I think the hard bit is feeling the conviction that this taking-away is good and gracious of him, rather than unfair and mean and selfish of him.  My hope and prayer, if you are reading this, is that we’d be like David in our attitude towards God, fearing, in reverence, of his awesomeness and judgement, but delighting in it also because he is Good.  I pray that we might be perfectly happy to surrender the clutter that we hold dear to ourselves so that he might show us what’s the best to hold dear.